Three Months In

Wow...we've been in Battle Ground for almost 3 months now.  Har to believe with so much going on lately.

In June we moved here.  I was here just 4 days before the boys, Kaylee, and I took off for Kentucky for our vacation. I was there 2 weeks and during that time, the boys left for Texas to visit their dad.  I returned home for 1 week and during THAT time Sensaria went down the drain and we found out a friend had cancer AND I got a call that my Great Grandmother was passing away.  Time to go back to Kentucky.  I didn't beat her death; unfortunately she passed away the night before I got there.  Because my mother was visiting, I stayed in Kentucky another 2 weeks before returning home.  Once I got home I started my new business, Votre Vu and spent some time making friends and finding things to do.  My boys got home a few days ago on the 6th of Sept and started school on the 7th and it's been a whirlwind since then.

So that was my summer.  How about yours?

Grrr

I am so tired of having all these "friends" and having absolutely nothing in common with them.  And even when I find commonalities I'm still snubbed.  No one can talk to me beyond greeting me at a park, I hear crickets when I tell jokes (ok I'm NOT funny but c'mon give a girl a break!)  Then friends find other things to do when I have something important going on.  I watch everyone else's kids but when I need someone do you think it's easy for me to get a sitter?  NO.  It's NOT.  I'm so tired of doing everything for everyone and not even getting a polite smile or even a fake conversation.  My conversations with people feel forced.  I hope I can do it different next time.  I just want a few good gals I have things in common with and not feel like an afterthought.  There are a few of you that this doesn't apply to and you know who you are. I hope no one reads this but if they do I don't really give a flip.

Looking for Our Pineapple Under the Sea..

So we're going down to Vancouver this weekend to hopefully look at some houses.  We have had our eye on a few and then they vanish.  We must have good taste.  :)  We have a few picked out to look at and hopefully get secured with a deposit soon. 

That being said, I'm going to miss this house.  I fell in love with it when I first found it and I still love it 2 1/2 years later.  I wish I could put it on wheels and take it with me.  I hope I will love our next house as much as I do this one.  I hope my neighbors are as wonderful as what I have here and my last house.  I hope there are kids that my children can play with in the neighborhood.  I hope we find a good area. 

I have high expectations.  I'm nervous that I won't find a house to live up to my expectations. 

Lost

Sometimes I feel so lost.  Like today.  I don't know why.  I feel heavey.  Frustrated.  And I don't know where my life is going.  We're moving soon.  Leaving all my friends (most of whom are leaving eventually as well).  Starting over again.  I know at this point we can't afford for me to go back to college and I don't qualify to take out anymore student loans.  So I'm stuck here.  In my mediocre life.  I have an Assiciates in Nothing, and I sit at home staring at my computer when I'm not busy with my kids and volunteer work wondering what the heck God wants me to do with my life?  Should I be satisfied with where I am, a mother and wife? Or should I start striving for more?

OK...I need to take my vitamin D now.

Feeling the Sunshine

We had a speaker today at MOPS who is a counselor.  I've been thinking about speaking to a counselor lately but just haven't got around to it.  I asked her what to do about this bout of blues I'm having and she told me I'm still "postpartum" and it's hormonal.  Hum....but I don't fit into the postpartum depression category.  She thinks it might be the lack of sunshine and  recommended I start on some vitamin D3 as well as a vitamin B Complex.  I went right to Rite Aid and bought them ($1.77 for both I might add...couponing ).  I took the vitamins (and my prenatal I should always be taking) and sat with my lunch in the sun.   Oh how I love the sun!  I sat there for 20-30 minutes just soaking it in and eating my lunch and listening to my fish tank! LOVE it!  I like the sound of quiet....no TV, no radio,....just silence (and my fishtank)....  The sun makes it so much better and I already feel better.  Could just be psychological but it's better than not.  We'll see what my vitamins do for me over the course of the next few days!

Hope in a Rainbow

I saw a rainbow while I was out walking today.  It wasn't very bright.  In fact, it was so dim I probably wouldn't have noticed it had I not been staring off in that direction. I could just barely distinguish it from the clouds. I believe it was a symbol from God to me....a promise.  Just as He promised Noah and all of humanity He would never flood the Earth again, it was like He was pomising to me that no matter how dim everything seems sometimes there's always hope.  Hope is dim sometimes but it's there, just like that rainbow was there.  That means it was raining somewhere between me and that rainbow but when you look through the rain and clouds, there's the sun...the rainbow promises so.  This isn't coming out exactly the way I meant for it to sound but maybe the meaning I'm trying to convey was meant for me only.  I've been a bit blue lately...nothing terribly bad...not quite depression and I'm still finding joy in my day...just something I'm snapping myself out of....exhaustion maybe. :)

‎"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." Isaiah 40:28

Running From My Mistakes

One of the glorious parts of being a Military Wife is running from your mistakes.....just kidding. 

It's not that I want to run from my mistakes.  I've faced every one of them...maybe not immediately but eventually.  I have nothing to run from now, just frequent reminders.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You hurt people, you abuse people, you accidentally upset someone, you grow away from people, you get hurt by someone....anything.  When you're a Military Wife, you get multiple fresh starts.  Almost like a "reset" button but not quite.  Each move gets you away from where you were and the constant reminders of how so not perfect you are.  You can't go back and fix anything but you can learn a lesson from everything that happened to you previously. You learn what scene you should be mingled with and who not to associate with.  Hopefully, you avoid those types of people all together. You learn who your true friends were, your oak trees if you will, ...if you counted to them, and they to you, you keep in contact.  If not, they were a toadstool....there when you needed them and gone when your need in life was over.  Not that they aren't important but there wasn't quite enough in common or ample time spent to sustain a long term friendship.

Each move presents you with a flurry of new opportunities.  Things you would have never been able to do if you were secluded to one place your entire life.  You're going to look back on your life and you won't believe how colorful it is with everything you were able to do, accomplish, and experience.  The people you knew and associated with brighten those colors with unbelievable vividity. (I don't think "vividity" is a word but I like it.) 

Although I'm going to miss everyone here so much, and I'm going to long for Washington every day of my life, I'm ready to embrace my move.  I look forward to new friends and new challenges.  I look forward to less frequent reminders of who I was and start looking toward who I know I am inside...A Strong Wife of a Soldier and Awesome Mommy to My Kids!

Military Wives and Mommies in WA!

There are a few things coming up that I'm sure most of you are aware of but I will post them anyway!

Feb. 5 is Operation Care Fair from 10 am to 3pm at McChord Field.  They're offering massages, hors d'oeuvres,  mini makeovers and lots more and its FREE!

Feb 8 is Military Spouse Club (16 or older) from 6pm-9pm at the Eagleview Community Center.  You need to RSVP with Debra Calkins @ 253-912-2113 or DCalkins@eqrworld.com.  They will be making chocolate dipped candies  that you can keep for yourself or give to your special someone.  This is FREE while supplies last.

Feb 13 is a huge "baby shower" titled Operation Baby Boom for all expecting military moms and military with babies in diapers.  They're giving away lots of free stuff and will take place at St Martin's University Worthington Center in Lacey from 1-5pm.  Register at http://www.northwestmilitary.com/ 

There's a ton more so check out the MWR schedule.  These are just the one's I'm most excited about :)

Therapy

Writing is therapy for me.  I don't know why I don't do it more often.  I'm dealing poorly right now.  I have no idea why.  I'm in a happy marriage, I have great kids....I just don't know.  I started off this year with a bang toward my goals and in the last week I've let go of every single one of them.  I have no idea why I'm feeling so out of sorts.  It makes no sense to me.  I don't really feel depressed but I have absolutely no motivation.  Everything seems so out of reach for me.  I believe in working for what you want to achieve but a couple weeks of effort just drains me and I don't know why.  I'm not a quitter at heart but I lose heart and slowly let it all go....it's like watching the light at the end of a tunnel...only mine gets dimmer and farther away. 

I guess I'm dealing with a lot right now.  Nothing bad but stressful all the same.  It's showing up in the kids too.  They're progress is slowing.  We've got so much going on with our move coming up and I feel completely powerless over it.  Reuben leaves for school in March and we have no idea where we'll be going until he's at school.  So pretty much we find out in April and move in May.  We also have instructions not to get a place to live until he reports...so we'll be living in a stinking hotel for who knows how long.  Then, I have all my volunteer work...which I LOVE...but it's just added in there with all I have to do while I'm thinking about all that I have to do with the move.  I think when we move I'm not going to do quite as much volunteer work.  Maybe dedicate myself to ONE avenue and leave the rest alone. 

There's a lot of internal stuff going on as well over the last month.  Nothing that I'm going to get into online.  But just be in prayer for me if you can please.

Where Do You Spend Your Time?

I was driving to MOPS today and something hit me....what are we doing every day?  We all have goals in our lives but so very little of what we do drives us towards these ambitions.  Does spending 3 hours a day on Facebook help me to get my business growing?  Does it teach my kids to read well?  Does it even help me relax?  No to all of the above.  Where am I spending my time? 

MOPS helps me connect with other mothers and gives me a little adult social time.  I love it.  It's something I'd not give up.

Cub Scouts...well I do it for my kids.  I think the program will help them develop into strong and moral boys.  But this is a place I'm not investing enough time ON THEM!  I plan for my meetings but my boy's work isn't done.  How is that fair to them?  They're along for the "Mommy needs to volunteer" ride but the benefit I intended for them isn't there.

Facebook...or the computer in general.  Great tool for connecting to other people but honestly, do I need to be connected to those outside my home for HOURS every day?  Let's meet for coffee instead and catch up IN PERSON....but it's my guilty pleasure.

TV...I really don't watch too much TV but when something interests me I cannot pry myself away!  And now that we have Netflix (GREAT program by the way) I spend way more time than I used to watching TV.

I need to spend more of my time being intentional on reaching my full potential as a wife, mother, child of God, and future career woman.  Instead of being on Facebook while Kaylee naps I need to be getting a workout in to maintain my health.  Or in the kitchen CLEANING the never-ending mess for the health of my family.  I should be engaging one on one with my children more.  Going outside on snowy days (please snow today) and making snowmen and snow angels and snowballs with them.  Or being more intentional with helping my eldest son with his reading so HE can be more successful.  I need to be making the fullest of every day and making every day productive for my family.  That I cannot do glued to everyone else's lives via status updates on Facebook.  I need to find what I'm passionate about and pursue it...and it sure as heck isn't Jane Doe from high school's woes about her broken marriage or what she's having for dinner.  Sorry Jane Doe.

So where are you spending your time?  Are you happy where you are?  Are the things you're doing today going to help you be who you want to become?  Are you going to spend all day on Facebook reading random post updates?  Are you being INTENTIONAL with your actions?  A little "me time" is definately OK but all day "me time" every single day is a waste of precious "improve me time". 

I know this is long-winded but I absolutely HAD to get it out!

Get Movin'!

Time to bust a move...er...well bust a few pounds off...or, well, 29 pounds to be exact.  I should reach my goal by May 20 losing 1.5 pounds a week. 

We shall see. 

I've considered a lot of things.  Right now I'm using Myfitnesspal.com.  It's nice but I don't really like the way if flows but it's free and useful for now.  I plan on joining weightwatchers.com with some of my girlfriends.  But gotta wait for the money to do it. 

As far as exercise, I really need to get my neighbors out walking with me.  I tried myself today and it was soooo cold that I only got 15 minutes in but SCORE that Kaylee fell asleep and is still sleeping an hour later from the walk!  I'm thinking about joining Thrive gym to go zumba-ing with Cristy and going to workout with Erica on post (but ugh the drive!)  And Lisa says we should walk...we should.

Get this...in my sleepy delirium of insomnia last night, I downloaded a hypnotic weight loss program onto my phone,  Probably should have been looking up hypnotic sleep solutions. 

2010 in Review and Looking Toward 2011

2010 was an exciting year.  There was so much buzz and almost an updraft introduced into our lives with all the new things that were going on. I'm ready for the calm but I'm afraid 2011 is going to cause a bit of a ruckus...but that's not all bad.

 I spent the first half of 2010 sicker than a dog with my pregnancy but it was so worth it when Kaylee was born on July 17, 2010.  She brought completion to our family...at least for the moment.  There's not immediate plans for another but maybe in the future...we shall see.  At the moment, we're completely satisfied (and really busy) with her. 

We bought a new car to prepare for the arrival of our daughter.  It's nice and it's payments MORE than reflect that.  I feel we had not choice in the purchase.  However, we're not upside down on the loan...yet.

In October, we found out we were leaving beautiful Washington because Reuben got picked up for Recruiting Duty.  I'm sad about that but I'm sure we'll be back as soon as Reuben's retired (and hopefully sooner).  I have so much here I'm not ready to let go of.

All that being said, we're ready to take on the new year.  We have a lot in store for us.  Hubby will be gone for 6 weeks and after that, we're moving to who-knows-where.  I have a few non-resolutions to start on.  I'm not going to hold myself to anything though.   You set yourself up for failure if you expect to achieve the unachievable.  I am going to work toward these things though.

-lose 20 lbs (so cliche)
-make our move as smooth a transition as possible
-make sure the people who are my friends and have shown an interest in my life (especially since Kaylee's been born) know they're loved and have me
-find a job after we move
-get Sensaria back up to where I had it before Kaylee came (I've been so lazy with it)
-Put more focus on my older two children so they know they're loved
-Take at least one cake decorating class
-Figure out what I want to be when I grow up
-Start our Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover after the move
-Pay a little more attention to fashion....I like to be dressed up but I have been drab lately.
-Maintain my house and a shiny sink FlyLady style
-Spend less time on the computer (especially those useless Facebook games that suck your time away that you can never get back)
-Get to the dentist! Yikes!
-Wash my car...haha!
-I'm sure there's more!